Last week I wrote with general suggestions for kids heading off to college. This week I'm writing with suggestions for the parents left behind. Being left behind is a scary thing. At least it feels that way sometimes. I only have two children and the college process was a different experience both times.
My daughter was the first to go off to college. Everything was very organized; we spent the whole summer buying items on her list and packing. She went to a college where she didn't know anyone and moving in was very efficient and very stressed. We barely met her roommate. When it was done, she wanted us gone . When my son left for college, it was very laid back - just like him. I pushed him to go shopping for what he needed and I pushed him to help pack. He was headed to a college where he didn't know anyone either, but by the time we had moved him in, with the help of his roommate and other assorted people, he seemed perfectly at home. We suggested that we should leave.
There are a lot of questions to be considered. How long should you wait before you call to check in and how often should you call? What do you do if he/she is homesick? How long should your student stay on campus before coming home? How soon should you visit? How much advice do you give about classes and class choices? How much advice about roommate problems? Most colleges devote a portion of their website to parents and parent questions. Many area students will be attending UNH so I am using the UNH website as an example. On the toolbar across the top of the website is a tab that says Parents. The tab connects you to the Parents section where you can find out just about everything; including when the important dates are, how to become involved in your child's college as a parent, how to contact another parent to ask a question about college life and of course information about paying the bills. Most colleges offer a Parent's Handbook, either downloadable from online, mailed to you or handed out on moving-in day. A good source for answers to questions that you don't want to bug your student about. UNH also has an online publication called The Inside Scoop which has a Parents section filled with useful recommendations. Your student's college probably has a similar website with important information for you - the parent. Just spent a little time poking around there.
The library has a couple of books which are very good at helping parents adjust to the whole thing. One of them is recommended reading for parents by UNH. Don't tell me what to do, just send money is a guide to dealing with your child's college issues in a different environment in a different way. Another helpful book is Letting go : a parent's guide to understanding the college years. It isn't as humorous and entertaining to read, but it provides thoughtful information on the changing college landscape and the changing world.
This is also a time when parents need to begin giving thought to the empty nest and the changes which the family will go through in the future. The library has some insightful books written on that topic. The eight seasons of parenthood, Family re-union : reconnecting parents and children in adulthood and Letting go and finding yourself : separating from your children , an older book with a lot to say about the emotions that arise with this letting go process.
On the lighter side, get ready to enjoy yourself. College visits are fun, so are the visits when your student comes home. Just wait for that readjustment period when he/she comes back to spend the whole summer! Good luck and enjoy.