This is not a happy topic by any stretch of the imagination. It involves a decision that my husband's family has just finished making - three times. Based on this experience, it seems to me that when you come to the end of all the discussion, many times no one is happy with the decision. Worse than that, this decision can be made and then circumstances can force the discussion to begin all over again.

The person in my case is my father-in-law who has just turned 90. Until 8 months ago, he lived with his second wife in their apartment. When his wife died, it quickly became apparent that he could not live alone. The decision was made to hire a live-in caregiver. When that did not work, the decision was made to have him live with a family member and attend adult daycare. After a medical emergency, he could no longer attend the daycare. So, with much agonizing discussion, he was finally placed in a nursing home.

So much depends on making informed choices at a time when emotion seems to rule. So many things must still be considered even when decisions need to be made quickly. There are tools that can be used to help with informed choices. If you have advance notice that some type of long-term care will be necessary in your future or the future of a loved one, the U. S. Department of Health and Human Services answers a multitude of questions through their National Clearinghouse for long-term care information . If the necessity to arrive at decisions for arrangements is suddenly thrust upon you, Medicare has a website which assists in locating and comparing nursing homes. On this site you will find a link to a website which maintains a listing of poor performing nursing homes. This list is called the Special Focus Facility background information and list. Medicare also provides a Long-Term care planning tool which will allow you to determine the best level of care for a loved one or yourself and begin to research the best way to meet the financial obligations involved in this level of care.

The library has books to assist you in the decision making process as well.
Keeping them healthy, keeping them home: how to care for your lived ones at home is filled with sensible suggestions and solutions to problems which arise when providing at home care for a loved one.
Nursing homes: the family's journey helps families to understand the important social and emotional aspects of nursing home placement. NOLO provides a comprehensive guide to elder care choices in Choose the right long-term care.

If you are concerned about the state of nursing homes in today's society, you might want to read The crisis in America's nursing homes by Guy Seaton. If you have ever considered a career in elder care, or have just wondered what daily life is like inside a nursing home, Nobody's home: candid reflections of a nursing home aide is an eye-opening read.

This is not an easy choice to make. The best time to begin thinking about it is now rather than later.